Ma Vie En Rose

I was just reviewing my profile. I noticed that I put "Ma Vie en Rose" as one of my favorite movies and indeed it is. Now that I think about it, it has probably been 3 years since I last saw it.

When it first came out I had just moved to New York. I was still living with Stan and Jim at the time. It was playing at the Quad and in the first week it played there I saw it 5 times (yes five paid movie admissions at New York City prices). I hate it when people brag about how many times they have seen a movie in a theater as if it is some sort of badge of courage...

From the first time I saw it I could not get enough of it...it so totally spoke to me regarding that feeling of being "an outsider". Couple that with the candy-colored visuals and I was hooked. I often have to "check myself" regarding that "outsider" feeling, it is kind of a theme running through my life, and yet I have to work hard not to associate that feeling with a sense of "specialness" or self-worth. Being an outsider is no better or worse than being, for lack of a better term, an insider...it is only one of a variety of ways to look at your relationship to society.

That being said, my (real or imagined) sense of not fitting in has created some great opportunities in my life. It got me out of Nebraska, plus it made me curious about marginalized people/things/ideas. For that I am grateful.

Message to "7th Avenue": Quit Biting My Style

About three years ago I bought a second-hand Champion hooded sweatshirt at Alice Underground on lower Broadway. Champion sweatshirts have been a "guilty pleasure" since college. You can have the ability to discuss the merits of the Antwerp Six or Junya Watanabe's real role at Comme des Garcons all you want...but the 24 year old F.I.T. fag you are trying to seduce at Charm School is going to question your fashion forwardness if you wearing a run-of-the-mill Champion sweatshirt. (A hypothetical scenario...of course)

Anyway, the ridiculously gorgeous blue color and inherent "Reverse Weave" warmth of the sweatshirt renders all other considerations obsolete.

Lately I have had to come to terms with the fact that due to over wear my beloved sweatshirt has some pretty major wear-and-tear. Specifically a part of the collar is torn in such a way that the sweatshirt now has a "V-neck". I thought about retiring this piece of clothing...but like most dilemmas in my life, I eventually said "fuck it"...I am going to continue to wear it until it fully disintegrates.

On Wednesday I went shopping/looking at Famous Friends. Amidst the pretty boring T-shirt selection and the overpriced Nudie jeans that I uncharacteristically covet there was an artificially distressed Rogan hooded sweatshirt of the exact same color as my beloved Champion. Upon closer examination I discover that the sweatshirt comes with a complimentary tear at the collar giving it a V-neck...I swear to Jesus I am not making this up. Needless to say I scoffed at the 250 dollar pricetag and demanded some answers from the slightly shocked store clerk. Come on, this is the most egregious biting of my style since Dolce and/or Gabbana personally ripped off my idea for accessorizing one's neck with colored rosary beads.

Why won't these biters leave me alone, or at least put me on the payroll as a consultant.

Subtle

I kind of had a flashback earlier today.

Out of the blue I began thinking about playing basketball on my junior high school team. I was not the best player on the team, but the combination of pretty average talent and slightly above average height put me in the mix.

Other than designing the team uniform (i.e. convincing our coach Dan that a 13 year old that spent a little too much time thinking about the "look" of professional team uniforms knew what to have as "iron-on" lettering for our yellow tank tops and shorts), my major contribution was as the team pep squad. Any time spent on the bench (more frequent than I would have liked) I devoted myself to shouting encouragement to my teammates on the court. Part of it was just my passion for the game in general, but also I felt that my verbal support of the other players translated into better performance from them and therefore, more points on the board.

Needless to say after having this flashback I made an immediate connection to my current job situation. A great deal of my frustration is that I am not in an environment where my skills as a cheerleader are valued. I make my attempts to create a positive environment, but there is so much negativity emanating from a certain business owner, that I feel my attempts are futile.

I need a job situation where my natural tendency to want the best for my co-workers is actively supported.

Optimistic Social Theory

Now I might just be writing this because I need a dose of optimism, but that does not mean that the following social theory is not true...

When I was at the gym this morning I noticed a man in his 40s also working out. He looked like a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy, in other words an "average joe". What caught my eye was that he had shaved his legs. I have noticed the straight man shaving his legs thing more and more lately. Yes, I am aware of the media-generated phenomenom known as "metrosexuality", but if that exists at all, it can probably be assumed that it is occurring amongst 20 and 30somethings. For a straight man in his 40s to have caught this trend says something to me....It says to me that you cannot stop the influence of homosexuals.

Despite the fact that a very very small percentage of Americans want to turn back the clock on gay rights, you cannot put the genie back in the bottle. We are approaching the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots which, in addition to the fact that there are two full generations of non-homosexuals "used to" the concept of homosexuality being out in the open, but you will soon have an entire new generation of gays who have NEVER been in the closet. Try telling them about the rightness of antiquated sodomy laws...

I Realize...

It is lame to mention TV shows, but what an awesome day for those of us who literally (yes, literally not figuratively) worship Amy Sedaris.

First she was the star of a sketch on Oprah with guest Jon Stewart. Her Starbucks employee character, although only on screen for a couple of minutes, had me in tears.

Then she appears on my new favorite show Wonder Showzen as "Miss Amy" and again destroys me. I love her screaming "baby killer" at a group of children gathered for story time.

She is soooo awesome and inspirational. I think her skill is a sincere down-to-earth persona crashing head on into a craziness that the rest of us can only aspire to.

Bipolarity

Although I usually lack the necessary energy, I get a perverse pleasure from going out and dancing after a day of work. When I leave work I am full of cynicism and hatred and when I get on the dancefloor I completely release all of that negative energy and an irreplaceable smile comes over my face.

Despite still being sick, last night with Steve Travolta and Frankie Knuckles was awesome. Highlights for me were "I Get Lifted" , "Took My Life", "Strings Of Life", "Back To Basics" and "Can You See The Light?"...plus Frankie diggin' in the crates for "Mighty Real" was ridiculous.

Deitch

As a treat for not dying last night (see previous post) I decided to venture to Deitch Projects for Michael Bevilacqua's latest. The press release describes the new stuff as "painterly" which I take as code word for "sloppy".

While there is a certain sloppiness to some of the paintings...it is really well balanced with some highly detailed imagery. The familiar pop cultural icons are there but there is also further abstraction of some of those references into something pleasantly indecipherable. Perhaps they are not as "over the top" in beating you over the head with references as the last show (which is not an insult), but the subtlety adds a bit of mystery to the paintings.

All in all, very awesome and I will be stealing many ideas from Mr. Bevilacqua...the highest form of praise, indeed.

Six Days

Apparently it has been six days since my last entry. This is due to the fact that I have been sick, which I fucking hate. This cold, or whatever it is, is amazingly annoying. I am doing all the positive visualization of my white blood cells destroying the virus and praying that it takes hold.

Reason #816 Why I Love New York

The past few weeks I have seen ads in TimeOut that one of my favorite comedians, Patton Oswalt was going to be at Caroline's this weekend. I knew there was no way I could justify an outrageous cover charge and two (overpriced) drink minimum.

On Wednesday, while thinking about how I was not going to go to Caroline's, I decided to check Patton's website. On the site I learned that he was going to be at Cinema Classics performing Wednesday night. Within the hour I was at the show which cost a mere $5. As icing on the cake, after Patton's set, Yo La Tengo came on and did about five songs and they were totally great.

"On Hold"

You know how sometimes you will phone a business and will be put "on hold". You know how sometimes when put "on hold" the music in the background may be a song that you really really like and even though you hate being placed "on hold" you really enjoy listening to that particular song and almost kind of want to hear the rest of the song instead of having your call responded to in a timely fashion.

That scenario is the perfect analogy for how my life has been for the past year or so. Over this time period I have been working less than at any time in my adult life. This has been rewarding in the aspect that I have had a great deal of free time to relax, and for lack of a better term, breathe. The free time has allowed me to read more, to entertain myself more, to get into a solid routine of gym-going which have all been tremendously positive. However, there is an overarching sense that I have been "wasting time".

Part of this may be that our culture puts "workaholism" on a pedestal. To admit to not having your job as priority one in your life is tantamount to treason. This is definitely a factor in my sense of time wasting, but also there is my own personal sense that I have not been motivating myself in a career direction.

Circle of Death

Last night Stan and I went to the latest edition of "How To Kick People" www.howtokickpeople.com . The theme of the monologues was "best friends". Host Todd Levin did a piece about his group friends at age 13 and the attempt by one of them to get them all to urinate in an empty beer bottle. The beer bottle, through an elaborate plan, would then be given to a hated girl in the neighborhood.

The piece was hilarious and drew memories of my own youth. I started to think about the Silver Street Hawks. This was the street gang I was a member of around the age of 10 or 11. Membership was limited to my older brother Clay, next door neighbors Dave and Rob Reibel, and my best friend Todd Nieman. We were based out of a makeshift "treehouse" located in our backyard.

Like any streetgang, our focus was on creating t-shirts with a menacing SSH logo using only a black magic marker. Our rivals were a gang comprised of next door neighbors Jeff and Dave Finke and Todd and Shaun Carlisle. The name of their gang escapes but I know it was lame.

Karl

Just saw Karl Lagerfeld walking in front of the offices of one Helmut Lang on Greene Street. Please don't tell me she is going to hijack another label.

My Andy

Last night my friend Thomas connected us with seats at a reading for a new play called "My Andy". It was kind of biography of Andy Warhol told through the eyes of his mother. Kathleen Chalfant played Julia Warhola and she was absolutely amazing. Having never seen her before, she is one of those performers who I can say going forward I will want to see her in any production she is associated with.

The play itself was very very good. It was a new and humanizing perspective on a figure that I have been pretty burnt out on for years.

Village Voice columnist/ Disco historian Vince Aletti was in the audience and I was tempted to sucker-punch him and demand that he tell me legendary stories about the Gallery, the Loft, and Paradise Garage.

In The Mail

Just picked up my mail today. My friend Jesse sent me a copy of Blue Bell Knoll by Cocteau Twins. I have not heard this album in years and it is so totally refreshing. By coincidence I read earlier this morning that the Twins have cancelled the tour they had planned for this spring. In hindsight I am kind of glad to hear that they had cancelled the shows as I don't really think you should milk your creative past. Maybe it is because I have such warm affection/memories for the music and I kind of want it to remain in a clear-cut past. I want the nostalgia to be pure and unaffected by a "different" present.

101 Things About Me...

I totally stole this idea from Miss Ana Gallo, so here goes... 101 things about me:

1. I am an aquarius
2. I have worn glasses since mid junior high, then got contacts my first year in college.
3. I can recite the lyrics to every song on Public Enemy's "It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back"
4. I have never seen "Citizen Kane"
5. If pressed, I would say that my favorite book is "A Confederacy Of Dunces"
6. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people wear sunglasses indoors or at night.
7. I spend too much time memorizing dialogue from "Arrested Development" and "Strangers With Candy"
8. I have been in 33 of the 50 states in the country.
9. As a lad I had a shrine to Julius "Dr. J" Erving
10. I plan on living in New York City the rest of my life.
11. I have the mouth of a trucker...or a sailor...whichever "swears" more.
12. I was in the 7th grade the first time I ever got drunk... my friends were smoking pot in 6th grade...late bloomer.
13. I do not take photos while on vacation.
14. I subscribe to the phrase..."Good artists imitate, great artists steal"
15. I must have access to a Pilot Precise Extra Fine pen at all times...part of my OCD
16. I know nothing about wine.
17. I cannot stand John Travolta.
18. In high school I worked on Helen Boosalis's failed bid to become Nebraska's 1st female governor.
19. My official drag name is Chaka DaNeu
20. I use the word "awesome" way too frequently.
21. Regrettably, I let relationships suffer due to my lack of communication.
22. I only wear Comme des Garcons fragrances.
23. If I could be any TV character I would be James Garner as Jim Rockford in "The Rockford Files"
24. Therapists have said I have "safety issues"
25. Like the idea that something can be so unfunny that it is funny...I believe something can be so unsexy that it becomes sexy.
26. At age 18 I thought I wanted to be a lawyer.
27. As a child I mistakenly thought the word "ass" referred to penises...this might explain some of my sexual behavior.
28. I cannot wait until all of my hair turns gray...I pray it looks pure white like my dad's does.
29. I have a ridiculous sweet tooth...I must have at least one sugar rush per day.
30. In college my friend Lisa paid me $50 to write a term paper for her...it was on Yugoslavian leader Josip Tito (so I probably would have done it for free...)
31. I like to get my "work" done before I "play"...I hate having things or tasks hanging over my head.
32. I believe I am polite...others may not see this in my behavior
33. I have a one inch scar on my left foot from where a bicycle gear cut me as a youth.
34. In ninth grade I was named "Best Dressed Male"...this tells you something about my competition.
35. I would be perfectly happy if my last meal on this planet were a baguette with brie from Ceci-Cela.
36. When I sleep at night I can't allow my knees or ankles to touch...for some reason it freaks me out.
37. As a child I was repulsed by taking a pill in capsule form.
38. In ninth grade my parents drove me and friends Todd, Jim, and Bryan to Hastings Nebraska for a Thompson Twins concert
39. When I was a kid my favorite food was Swanson's Chicken Pot Pie.
40. I usually have one fiction and one non-fiction book that I read concurrently.
41. I have never been to an opera.
42. When I was 15 my brother Paul and I motorcycled from Nebraska to California on his Honda GoldWing
43. Although I hate weather extremes, I would rather be it be "too hot" than "too cold"
44. My first concert experience was Hall&Oates in 1981.
45. I have had a 5 minute conversation with Gwyneth Paltrow.
46. If forced to choose, I would say my favorite visual artist of all time is Ellsworth Kelly.
47. The only car I have owned was a red Honda Civic SI.
48. I always overtip.
49. I got my first pair of Vans in 8th grade...I have had at least 50 pairs since.
50. I have a pre-emptive cure for hangovers that involves eating a Big Mac made with Veggie burgers.
51. I want to be cremated...after I die.
52. From 1982 to 1993 I watched "As The World Turns" pretty much everyday...still see the "stars" on the streets of NYC.
53. My least favorite household chore is doing laundry.
54. 99% of the time I say "bless you" when someone sneezes.
55. In general I am an optimist.
56. In 5th grade I played saxophone, but had no discipline as far as practicing went so I gave it up.
57. I am going to live to be 93 years old.
58. I was raised in the Disciples of Christ church.
59. When stressed my "mantra" is "The Universe is challenging you AND taking care of you".
60. I am horribly addicted to caffeine.
61. I am learning that simple pleasures are the best.
62. I go back and forth between being an introvert and an extrovert.
63. Although I wouldn't say I was scared of them, I don't like touching snakes or lizards.
64. If I am in a "funk" a haircut always makes me feel better.
65. I would love to go skydiving.
66. I am often a "smart-ass"
67. I see one or two movies a year in the theater.
68. I cannot live without the New York Times and The New Yorker.
69. I never leave the house without my iPod.
70. I love making soup in the fall and winter.
71. I am in a perpetual battle with cynicism.
72. I have never been outside the United States.
73. I love fog.
74. I am registered as an independent...if I had to define my political beliefs it would be Libertarian.
75. I love when people tell me about dreams in which I make an appearance.
76. I have the most energy in the morning and late at night.
77. I have a pretty good sense of humor about myself.
78. I am sentimental about the past.
79. If I could have a pet, it would be a Shiba Inu.
80. I spend too much time concerned about my appearance.
81. I am afraid of mediocrity.
82. I always have some food immediately after I get out of bed in the morning.
83. I worry about having enough money for retirement.
84. My favorite number is 6.
85. I was overweight as a child.
86. The first broadway show I saw was "A Chorus Line" in 1987.
87. I took a career aptitude test in high school that revealed that I should train to become an elevator repairman.
88. I still miss Sundays at "Body&Soul"
89. My dream dinner party would have John Waters, Fran Lebowitz, and Amy Sedaris as guests of honor.
90. I have never had a broken bone.
91. I will cry if The Simpsons ever goes off the air.
92. I love watching fireworks from my rooftop.
93. I am trying to force myself to dress like an adult.
94. I give people "the benefit of the doubt" in most situations.
95. I am not superstitious...but I believe in "signs" or "omens"
96. I became more patriotic after 9/11 and less patriotic after 11/2/2004.
97. I am a closet exhibitionist.
98. I eat guacamole at least 4 times per week.
99. I hold grudges.
100. I always have to have an event or activity to look forward to.
101. One of my greatest strengths is my curiousity.

Robot Rock

...So I have been talking with everyone about the new song "Robot Rock" by Daft Punk. The song is so ridiculously simple, memorable, catchy it is, in short, amazing. From the moment I first played the song on my ipod I was hooked.

When I first moved to NYC I was enamoured with the anonymous nature of the city. It was a revelation to walk down the street with my headphones on, music blasting and not give a shit about what others thought about my rhythmic walking/gyrations...I was in my zone.

Slowly over the years I went more and more "in my head". Few could probably tell that I was listening to an amazing house track on my headphones...my movements became less obvious...my walking down the street (although still at a brisk pace) became more "normal". I was no longer dancing in the street.

That is the great thing about "Robot Rock"...it is impossible for me to be walking with my ipod and not break out some moves. People look. People stare. People mock. But it is so wonderful not to give a shit. I am back in my zone.

In the afternoon...

Just got done re-connecting with my friend Jason in Seattle. We haven't had an in-depth conversation in about a year. It is so strange being close to someone, then because of a cross-country move, having no contact for so long...then re-connecting.

Jason and I are on the "same page" on so many topics...Our senses of humor are so totally in sync it is crazy. More accurately Jason taught me how to get in touch with my politically incorrect side...and I have never turned back...

Back to Normal...

Watching news coverage of the president's press conference yesterday...I am literally feeling sick because of it. How is it that Elizabeth Bumiller of The Times can ask one provacative question and the rest of the press act like she just called his mother a whore...the shock and horror of an actual non-softball question.

It pushes my pessimistic buttons...it feels like the whole political game is OVER...the american public gets fed an amazing amount of bullshit and the MSM does absolutely nothing to question even the minor details they are fed....

Out of the gate...

The world has waited with bated breath and now it has finally happened....I have begun blogging. Now armageddon can occurr and we will all die satiated...