Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Partial Karmic Payback

Today at the gym I decided to splurge and buy one of the overpriced sportsdrinks they have in the vending machine there. Since the vending machine dispenses all sorts of bottled beverages including some that come in glass bottles, there is padding at the bottom so the glass will not break when it falls down to the consumer. Unfortunately this safety feature caused the drink I had just paid a ridiculous amount for to get stuck in the machine. I spent about five minutes, an eternity when you are thirsty, shaking the machine in a futile attempt to dislodge the bottle.

After giving up I realized that the situation was part of an elaborate karmic payback plan that I was being forced into...

When I was around 11 or 12 years old my friend Todd developed this method of reaching his arm up into soda vending machines...tapping the cans and having them released into his hand without paying a dime. While I could never get the method done myself...I don't know if my hand was too big or what...but I was his accomplice in acting as a lookout for authority figures...and carting away and enjoying the refreshing taste of the pilferred goods. We would literally walk away with a sixpack of soda each. Apparently we weren't the only ones participating in this activity, as soon the vending machines were reconfigured with a piece of metal that prevented a human arm to penetrate the inner workings of the machine.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Come On...

How does something like this slip under my radar...Just started reading this book. It is so totally awesome. The writing is intelligent and kind of "Sedaris-Lite"...That is not meant as an insult. Sometimes when I really think about David Sedaris' writing it becomes intimidating because you don't think anyone can match his talent/wit. Ms Vowell is in the same vein humor-wise, but is more down-to-earth and accessible...You feel like you have met her a thousand times in the course of your life.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Brief But Powerful

Last week I had a moment that pretty much sums up my life right now...

I was leaving my apartment, I clicked on my iPod and selected "Da Rockwilder" by Method Man and Redman. It is definitely one of my all-time favorite hip hop tracks and it never fails to put me into a delightful badasss mood. So, I am walking down my staircase and I have this total "attitude" going on in my head, best summed up by Ice Cube's classic line "...fuck wit me, I'll put a foot up 'ya ass"...

I get to the bottom of the stairs and I see this elderly woman named Marie who lives in my building. She has a couple of large bags in her hands along with her cane. I ask her if she needs any assistance and she says that it would be helpful if I just carried the bags up to her apartment door and then she would more easily walk up the stairs herself. I said "No problem" and quickly jetted back up the stairs to drop the bags off in front of her door.

When I came back downstairs she was completely appreciative and thanked me profusely. Again I said that it was no big deal and I was happy to help. It was not an act that would merit a Nobel Prize...but it just felt nice to help someone out...I just got a nice "warm fuzzy" as we used to say.

As I left my building I re-clicked on "Da Rockwilder" and was back in street thug mindset...except that I was smiling at the gorgeous beauty of being able to go from badass to nice guy in about a millisecond. I can't explain how much I prize this ability...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My Peace Of Heaven

I just woke up from one of the most gorgeous dreams.... Since I guess I have come to terms that you can never really truly describe a dream accurately...conveying the "feeling" you have while it is happening, I have decided that I will not drive myself crazy that the description below does not match what was in my head.

Basically, I was headed to a small town "Fourth of July" celebration. My Aunt Shirley was in charge of the celebration...which is not that different from real life. The small town was very desolate, but in a serene way. There was a large lesbian contingent that lived very peacefully with the "townies".

My Aunt Shirley "curated" the evening fireworks which were awesome because the exploding shells were not very "crisp"...the colors were very muted and sort of muddled around the edges...kind of like an aurora borealis. In addition, there were a lights on the ground that coordinated with the fireworks to create a very different look.

After the fireworks, there were these spontaneous parties that arose. You could just sort of walk around and come across these attitude-free parties.

As morning approached it got very quiet with just an occaisional Techno song playing. Everyone was talking about how Techno was going to make a come-back in America...and the songs playing were genuinely awesome. Diesel was sponsoring ads pushing Techno...but it was done very well.

Came across Silke and exchanged addresses...surrounded by a very good vibe.

The small town had built these "novelty buildings" specifically for the 4th of July celebration. One was a UFO...another was a dry-docked sailing ship. The UFO doubled as a 1970's cheesy-beautiful disco. It opened up and was completely silent which made sense since it was the end of the night, but everyone demanded that they start playing music...the music they started playing was this delicious deep deep deep house music...as I walked around further I came across Justin Timberlake sitting at a stool...he was bobbing his head and crying because the music was so beautiful...which it was.

Cain was pouring drinks behind the bar...it was so great because he was "working" the party but only because it was essential to the good vibe...not out of obligation or as if it were a job...

If I were to create a waking life soundtrack that would describe the feel of this dream it would definitely include KLF "Chill Out" and Beth Orton's "Daybreaker"

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Massive Swelling

I am about a third of the way through this book. Even though the topic is pop culture and the book is five years old it is still amazingly relevant. Ms. Wilson's writing is bitter, venomous, and completely hilarious. The bitchiness is so great because all of her targets deserve to be spat upon...