Easy Theory Leading To Bliss

I guess there is now a simple formula leading one to happiness. If someone contributes content to NPR, then they write a book, that book is going to be awesome.

The latest proof of this simple equation is the most recent book by David Rakoff. Like his co-horts David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell, et al. Rakoff is unimaginably funny. He is able to meld social observation and personal revelation in a consistently witty fashion.

These essays are great because Rakoff takes very simple yet unique scenarios and then puts a comic twist on them. For example he attends a three day seminar sponsored by the Alcor Corporation. The seminar is set up to "sell" cyrogenic freezing to the public. I will not divulge Rakoff's bon mots on this topic except to say that he casually exposes the folly of anyone hoping to be reanimated in the far-distance future.

Anything Is Possible...

My girl Jody called from DC today. She believes that we used to work with one of the Powerball winners. I think she may be grasping at straws in order to get some of the loot...but then again most of my memories of Nebraska are clouded by an alcohol-induced fog, so she may be right.

Manifestation

Getting ready to go out to dinner with Brian, Carol and Calla. I unpack my suit and begin to get dressed. Then I realize that I forgot to pack my cufflinks. I ask Brian if he has a pair to spare and unfortunately he doesn't. Damn French people, why can't they put a god-forsaken button at the end of the damn sleeve.

How in the hell am I going to secure the cuff. My crackpot mind tells me that if I had a paperclip I could jerry-rig a "cufflink". Can I get more ghetto? By chance, Calla has some blue paperclips...hey, blue shirt...blue paperclips...I am definitely on the right track. They didn't teach this guerilla fashion technique in the Lincoln Public School system I can tell you that....

In my typical "life gives you lemons, make lemonade" mindset, I convince myself that I will single-handedly make the paperclip the hot fashion accessory for Spring 2006....

Three days later I am back in New York. I am walking east on Prince St. when I look up from the sidewalk to see a faggy twenty-something walk toward me. His belt buckle is a 3x4 inch piece of sterling silver in the shape of....you guessed it, a paperclip. How did this child cross the space-time continuum and steal my idea?...Is it possible to just set up an account with the U.S. patent office and just shoot them an e-mail everytime I have a brilliant idea?

If Only I Could Make This Up...

So while compiling anecdotes for my book on the complete insanity of my current job...the Universe drops in my lap this overheard comment from my boss:

"...that's why I don't trust people who come in here and offer common sense advice...to me this is a business that is not run by common sense."

True

One of my favorite films is Bruce Weber's "A Letter To True". If you have not seen it, it is an interesting melange of documentary footage, story fragments and seemingly unrelated topics. In short, it is "all over the place" and that is one of the reasons that I love it. It mirrors my own scatter-shot thought process.

There is one segment that always shakes me up emotionally. It is footage of Martin Luther King Jr. giving a speech...here are some of his words:

....Every now and then I think about my own death, and I think about my own funeral. And I don't think of it in a morbid sense. Every now and then I ask myself, "What is it that I would want said?" And I leave the word to you this morning....I'd like somebody to mention that day, that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. I'd like for somebody to say that day, that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody. I want you to say that day, that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day, that I did try, in my life, to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say, on that day, that I did try, in my life, to visit those who were in prison. I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice; say that I was a drum major for peace; I was a drum major for righteousness.

The footage is even more powerful...which is saying something considering just reading the text makes me tear up. It blows me away that such simple words and concepts can set such an empoweringly high standard for living. A standard that I often fail at.

Prepare For Future Illness

Just watch this clip from newly ordained minority leader John Boehner and I think you will see the talking point that the Republicans are going to use in November midterm elections.

Basically, I predict that the Republicans are going to try to sell the American public the idea that, although Iraq appears to be a catastrophe...now, in some undefined future the project will be a success and will be worth all of the sacrifice we have to endure currently. Now, let's disregard the fact that Bush has not asked the American public as a whole to make a single sacrifice for this debacle, that's the Machiavellian beauty of this political strategy....You sell the electorate the idea that their sacrifice (praying for the American combatants, slapping a Chinese made "support the troops" ribbon on their SUV, etc.) is actually a "gift" to future generations. Everybody gets to feel that they are a part of "struggle against tyranny" without any effort at all.

Now every generation gets to be the "Greatest Generation" without expending any energy.

I still have not figured out how the Republicans are going to market our record budget deficit as beneficial, but I trust Karl Rove has. I will let you know when my tea leaves reveal this bit of insanity.

Three Second Audience With The King

Last Friday I was walking up First Avenue. Around Sixth Street I looked up and walking towards me was none other than Elvis Costello and his wife Diana Krall. Of course I played it cool and did not acknowledge his celebrity. Inside, I must admit, my heart did begin racing a bit.

Although I have not followed his career over the past few years, Elvis Costello will always hold a very special place in my heart. Imperial Bedroom is in my top ten of all-time favorite albums. I swear when I was a sophmore in high school I listened to that album everyday before I went to school. On many occaisions I was almost late for class as I wanted to hear certain songs again and again. It had the perfect blend of bitterness and wit.

In an early interview Costello said that his only motivations were revenge and guilt. While it is understandable that those were similar instincts to me at age 15...is it wrong if those motivations still appeal to me?

Elvis Costello

Past And Present...Together

It must have been the Christmas of 1977. Someone in my family received "The Book of Lists" as a Christmas present. The book was a catalog of completely random trivia. Despite being a mere lad, I fell instantly in love with the arcane information that the book presented. Without this book it is doubtful that I would have known that a flock of crows can accurately be described as a "murder of crows"...and was I the only 4th grader that needed to know that Judy Garland's birth name was Frances Gumm?

In the intervening years I have amassed a vast storehouse of certifiably useless trivia. Because of that, reading Jim Hodgman's "The Areas of My Expertise" was even more pleasurable. Hodgman, now a "resident expert" on The Daily Show, creates a fictional body of knowledge that is so funny, several times I was literally in tears. I challenge anyone to read his list of 700 Hobo Names without needing to take a break to regain their composure.

This is easily the most laugh-outloud book I have read since the David Sedaris Era began.

Jim Hodgman