Spring 2009 Preview...A Return To Awesomeness

V Magazine Spring 2009 has enough insight to know that Grace defines Legend, but if you couple her with Jean-Paul Goude she is literally unstoppable.

Unprecedented

Nicholas Kirkwood continues to destroy The Children with creations such as these. It would be an honor to be bludgeoned to death with one of these joints.

New York...Home Of The Lemon Creme Facial

Unless Obama can invent a time machine to take us back to this New York, then he is wurfless...

Watch And Learn

The clothes are by Built By Wendy, the awesomeness is provided by Amy Sedaris.

Wish

Let me be the last to wish you a Happy New Year. L. S. I. is my prayer for the lives of all reading this blog...

Make it happen!

Reality

Anyone who still does not believe that truth is stranger than fiction...I suggest you read this obituary.

This is american history y'all.

Rent "Witness" And Learn The Functions!

Times are hard. The geniuses behind N. Hoolywood understand that you must go back to the roots. There is nothing more root-ier than the Amish for s/s 2009.

Get ready for this look to sweep the streets (literally). For those that cannot afford a plane ticket to Asia to pick up these thread, just hack up a quilt and sew it onto whatever you are delivering right now.

One Piece

A visual shard from my dreams last night...In a perfect world you could jack into my brain and share my spectral wavelengths.

ADVANCE

This is officially my theme song for 2009. Feel free to borrow it and make it your choon as well...

Stay Positive, Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful

Everyday Grace

Last autumn, I woke up one Saturday morning to discover that the pipes under my kitchen sink had burst. Well, technically the pipes did not "burst" as that implies some sort of action. Perhaps more accurately I should say that the pipes failed to exist in such a way that would allow liquids to run through them.

The pipes failed to exist because years of rust and corrosion had eaten away at the metallic properties that make pipes pipes.

Obviously, the situation needed some attention. A wise person would have picked up the phone and called a plumber. But, then a wise person would have to pay for the services of a plumber...something that I did not wish to do.

In an instant it was decided that I would repair and replace the pipes myself.

At this point, anyone who has spent more than thirty seconds in my presence should know that this scenario does not bode well.

As a child I was frequently in the midst of my dad fixing something around our homestead. While I don't explicitly remember him giving concrete tutorials on "do-it-your-self" jobs, I am sure he spread his wisdom to his children in some fashion.

Despite being cognizant of the fact that someday I would be an adult and would some day have to "fend for myself", including doing some of the same repairs, I apparently assumed that as an adult, should something need to be fixed I would be wealthy enough to pick up a phone and call someone to fix the problem.

Alas, this was not the case...

I searched to find some sort of "wrenching apparatus" that would let me disassemble the bad piping. Then I would have to go to a hardware store and hopefully find the correct replacement parts. Plus, if that hardware store also had a plumbing apprentice program that could bring me up to speed on how to adequately replace pipes that would be swell too, as it goes without saying that I did not technically have the skills to complete this project.

Heading to the hardware store I decided that I needed to just slightly pretend that I knew what I was doing when interacting with the customer service reps. so as to 1) not be sold some things that I did not need, yet would run up my tab and 2) not to embarrass myself as a male in his extremely late thirties who did not know how to replace a metal pipe.

After getting the run-around from 3 or 4 of my local hardware purveyors (didn't have the right parts, couldn't offer any surreptious assistance in the project, etc. etc.) it was suggested that I visit Garber Hardware.

It had been years since I had been to this place and if memory served me correctly, it was a place I did not want to go. My memory said it was one of those stores where you could cut the testosterone with a knife. A place where burly men talked in burly voices about burly things. Not exactly my desired "scene". Not a place where I could bluff my way through a home improvement project.



Nonetheless, I entered the doors reluctantly. My only hope was to beg for mercy, admit my ineptitude and hope they could help.

As I approached the counter I verbally let it all out..."I didn't have a clue what I was doing"..."I've never replaced a pipe before"...ad infinitum.

I prepared for a lashing. "How could a grown-ass adult creature with X and Y chromosomes not know how to do this?" I envisioned the man saying.

After my soul-baring acknowlegement of idiocy I was met with nothing but kindness and concern. The man behind the counter seemed non-plussed with my inexperience. He answered a million of my basic-level questions, offered valuble insight on the project and generally made me feel a sense of confidence that I hadn't entered the store with.

I was expecting belittlement and instead I was met with grace and patience. Instead of feeling small, I felt empowered...my faith in humanity restored with simple acts of decency.

Investment Popportunity

Going forward I am only investing my money in Bjork.

Event Horizon

Now that we are beyond the winter solstice, I am not a bit ashamed to let my spring fever blossom.

Soon birds, flowers, and colour in general will be part of everyday life...and I won't want to be in bed at 5:45.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

Balance

The gilded age is over (and just after I invested my life savings in gild!). How does one balance the new austerity with panache? Well just hop on an aeroplane to Buenos Aires and pick up some of these Lucila Iotti joints.

Grey with a shock of yellow...so "right now" that it makes today feel like tomorrow's yesterday.

Needless To Say...

...if you are not dressing to match your living space you are just not trying hard enough. Give up and try again next lifetime. Hopefully then you will understand synergy.

With Beats All Things Are Possible

Right now we are facing multiple crises in this country. We have most of the tools to overcome these challenges and come out stronger on the other side.

What is missing is an all-star pop song to rally the nation in a unified direction.

It is unlikely that we could come up with something as spectacular as this Arthur Baker produced slice of heaven, but for godsake let's try.

If anyone knows how to make contact with the remaining Fat Boys, I am sure they would be willing to make another appearance for such a noble cause

Untraditional Tradition

Was lucky enough to witness another of Jackie Hoffman's tour de fierce holiday shows at Joe's Pub.

She definitely displayed what The Times referred to as "her lovable air of aggrieved bitterness"...which, needless to say makes her shows the perfect antidote to the holiday insanity that pervades our society around this time every year.

Sunday Shoutin'

2009 is going to be a sick-diculous year for me. In order to mentally, spiritually and physically prepare I will need an hours long sweat session at Body&Soul.

Work it out!

A Progression Of Beauty

This song is a definite uplift on a not so uplifting day...but wait, here is a better version...now hold steady, add a choir and some discofication and this song is unstoppable.

Definitive Geniusness

After my initial listening...my life has never been the same.

Parts Unknown

Due to a completely unexpected sixty-five degree day, I simply had to exploit this meteorological good fortune by taking a walk around the city.

Although I had tons of items on my to-do list that were going to go undone, it was mentally necessary just to meander aimlessly through the streets. As I walk ideas/concepts/philosophies flit through my head. I am thinking of ten million things at once, but instead of feeling overburdened or exhausted, I am revived.

Long ago I acknowledged that I am addicted to "input". I yearn to see new things and am comforted by the familiar...that's what a walk without a destination does for me. Entertains and enlightens while also reassuring me.

Quote of The Day

From Siggy "Stardust" Freud:

Experience consists of experiencing that which one does not wish to experience

Pretty much sums up my year...

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor

...this one goes out to all the laydeez who never let me forget I'm a man.

Trendscouts Agree!

The Right Now is all about MANIFESTING. Click HERE and start being the billionaire you know you were meant to be.

Enjoy your New Age!

Imprint

Everything I know about graphic design came from this logo.

Study it. Learn it. Revere it....

Wisdom From All Eras

Want to know how to survive in the New Economy? Observe the gameplan of my Homie John Wesley:

Make all you can,
Save all you can,
Give all you can.

All the Methodists in 'da house...Make some NOISE!

The Ease of Fashion

You know I give much love to Mr. Walter van Beirendonck. And now with his collection for 2009 he has made visiting the gymnasium a thing of the past.

Now you can simply have the musculature sewn into the wardrobe. Visionary, yet I venture he will not make much money after paying royalties to this trailblazer.

Where Are You-ou-ou? Sound Factory

The absolute definition of a vicious Factory track.

The vocal interlude that begins around the 3:45 mark simply destroys.The outsider searches for the temple, waiting to be "wowed". The silence...the anticpation...then the blare of the sirens. A clarion call to submit to the power of the dance floor.

The twinkling of the house piano keys sends chills up the spine. You feel the intensity, yet are fully aware that release will follow.

Now that was "27th between 11th and 10th"

Get Up On The Get Up

Due to work snob-ligations I will not be able to return to the heartland this holiday season. I will miss mi familia's bi-annual tribal gathering. However that does not mean I will not mean I will not be celebrating.

Case in point, the return of The Godfather to the friendly confines of Cielo. Anticipation levels are at an all-time high

At This Time Of Year...

....I need to give thanks to the good folks behind the Bradley Group Showerhead. Your vision to group showerheads together so that leering at your fellow fellows genatalia was unavoidable fuelled a thousand adolescent fantasies. High School would not have been the same without your wisdom and foresight...Thank You

Out There (Original Mix)

This is my third attempt to post this bit of awesomeness from YouTube. Sadly the beautiful retro-futuristic video will not post, so you will have to make due with looking at the white label while this track burrows permanently into your skull.

Enjoy

House Your Body

If you need some uplift in your life, may I suggest this mix by the one and only Joey Negro. Only positive vibes for positive people.

Uncalled For

Can you believe in a society where this level of heresy is allowed to exist? Let's put out an A.P.B. and find this perp...

Yes We Can Can...

Did you hear that Obama has finished his inauguration speech? He is simply going to recite the lyrics to this Pointer Sisters jam from 1973:

Now's the time for all good men
to get together with one another.
We got to iron out our problems
and iron out our quarrels
and try to live as brothers.
And try to find a piece of land
without stepping on one another.
And do respect the women of the world.
Remember you all have mothers.
We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.
I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna get together we can work it out.

And we gotta take care of all the children,
the little children of the world.
'cause they're our strongest hope for the future,
the little bitty boys and girls.

We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.
I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna, yes we can can.

Punishment Of Stillness

Last week my right knee began to hurt. With my hectic go-getter lifestyle, physical pains are not infrequent. However this pain was a little too reminiscent of the pain that eventually led to my surgery a few years ago.

So, even though the pain subsided, I decided to take a break from my gym routine. Let me tell you, a week of not going to the gym is more psycho-logically painful than the injury itself. I have felt, in a word, lifeless. Perhaps there is an endporpin addiction that is very real and needs acknowlegement...perhaps it is the fear that taking a few days off will lead to a slippery slope of slothfullness.

Brang It!

Desi shows us how to deliver it to the future. Escandalo! Indeed!

Devil Inside

The new Dazed&Confused features Miss Grace Jones photographed by Chris Cunningham. Do yourself a flavor and run to your local newsstand to pick it up. It's gorgeousness has to be seen to be believed. Views on a computer monitor cannnot do them justice.

Think Of The Animals...And Then Of Me

So you've decided to go vegan...well congrats, I guess. Don't let your love of animals overtake your love of the humans. Nothing says love like giving...so how 'bout giving me a pair of these handsome non-leather chaussures from NOHARM. At only 275 dollars U.S. they are quite the bargain. Buy me a pair and I promise to attend one PETA rally on your behalf.

Approval Given

Since we are all in a post-election halcyon haze, it is officially okay to fall in love with the photography of Tim Walker. Let's hope this dreamy fantastical phase lasts forever-ever.

Inspirational Approach

If you live in New York City, the United States or the Planet Earth you simply must read this piece. Mr. Henry Alford has politely and maturely struck back at the retardedness that one encounters on the streets of this fair city.

We could all learn from the strength of his approach to reviving civility.

Change The Style

If there ever was a time to listen to a gentleman named Son Of Bazerk it is right now. "Change The Style " indeed! Channel your inner 1991 and make it happen.

...And They Said I Was A Nerd...

...Got to meet my boy Paul on Saturday. Ain't no shame in my nerd game!

Theme From My Young Skull

To say that as a youngster the Phil Donahue show blew my mind is an understatement. He would sometimes air topics so controversial that I would be embarrassed to be in the same room as the television.

Of course, I grew attracted to the naughtiness factor of a show about trannies, Nazis, or Athiest superstar Madalyn Murray O'Hair and could not take my eyes off of the set.

Phil was way ahead of his time...sadly, in some aspects, we have failed to catch up.

A Request...

If anyone has a spare copy of the Split Enz album with the laser-etching in the vinyl...Please send it to me immediately. I want to worship the colors that are released from the blackness.

Save Yourself!

Due to the current economic sitch, feel free to clip this coupon and present to your local retailer.

This one's on me....

All Eras

It doesn't matter if you enjoy the music, you have to give a shout to Johnny Bond and his band for the style lessons they deliver to us in 2008...The emphasis on fit and tailoring, and because of the severe environment we live in...spangles only accents, not submerging an ensemble.

Work Diva!

Mental Landmark

Shout to the Joyo Theater in downtown Havelock, Nebraska. My formative cinematic experiences are centered around this temple of light and motion.

From an early age "The Wizard of Oz" was my favorite movie, as with most people of my generation I grew up watching it on television. I was probably seven or eight years old when the Joyo did a showing of the classic.

It was the first time I had ever seen it on a big screen and my mind was absolutely shatttered. The colors seemed more colorful and Wicked Witch seemed much more evil-er. Even though I had probably seen it a few times already, seeing it in such a large format literally brought me to tears (of horror and of witnessing the majestic beauty of OZ)

Later on, of course, multiplexes took over. But in my mind this is where a film can be seered into your skull

Autumn...

...It's football season!

Atheists, Give Up

Finally, proof of the existence of God...and She is one benevolent motherscratcher for giving this to the world.

Love Assault

Christopher Meloni was in today. I should have attacked him and demanded information on Wonder Showzen and working with The Chosen One on that Nickelodeon movie they made last summer.

Maybe next time.

...So Many Nights, So Many Days...

In 1983 I was not old enough nor wise enough to realize that in Italy they were concocting disco jams so infectious that I would be salivating over them a quarter of a century later.

Cannot (and will not) get this track out of my head

Believe

Pet Shop

Amazingly I have failed to write about Banksy's genius-level installation Village Pet Store and Grill.

If you are in the tri-state area and do not make a point of checking this out you will seriously live to regret it. People will be talking this for years. The idea is brilliant and the production value that went into producing it are astounding.

Plus it is phab to see crowds of people lined up to see some next-level art.

Go. Savor. Spread the gospel.

Autumn...

It's football season!

Disco Donuts!

Who is up for breakfast at Disco Donuts?.....Oh wait, it is not 1982 and New York has been overrun by Flunkin' Donuts. Okay...who is up for inventing a time machine so that we can go back to a time when Disco Donuts served the "burger of the year"?

Trend Alert!

Walk down any street in Manhattan and you will see the rebirth of smoking. Once almost extinct, there are now smokers everywhere. Perhaps it is the stress of the faltering economy or the fact that we have been invaded by Europeans (the only people with money left) but smoking is back in style...

Of course you could just go buy a pack of Parliaments and jump on the bandwagon, but why not live a little and splurge on some Yves Saint Laurent cigarettes? Sure, you will have to go to France to pick them up, but if you are not truly devoted to the trend, then why even bother...

Sound + Vision

Let's get minimal. Simple beats, simple colours, simple shapes equals beauty.

Summer Fights Autumn

For some reason this past summer I didn't have a chance to do some of the usual seasonal activities. For instance, I did not enjoy any ice cream.

In attempt to make up for this ridiculousness I have decided to become obsessed with the Pumpkin ice cream at Emack & Bolio's. The thing I love about it is that it is not too sweet, nor do they go over the top with "pumpkin spices". It is very simple and true to the essence of the seasonal squash.

Can We Kill The Machine?

While not the definitive piece on the economy, this op-ed is an absolute must-read if you want to know what we are up against in this time of crisis.

Who knows what other "enemies" we will face in the future?

In The Metaphorical Arms Of The One I Love

After an insanely horrible meeting last night, I was going to meet Alyssa and Jeremy for a cocktail. Because the starting point was on the Upper West Side and the destination was Union Square, I decided to forgo the subway and splurge on a cab.

I was in a seriously bad mood, but as the driver entered the Central Park 86th St. transverse I started feeling a mood uplift. Through the park, then turning right on Fifth Avenue I was overwhelmed with elation. Looking through the darkened trees of the park toward the glow of midtown I was kicked in the face by the beauty of the scene. Being in the city, my city, and being reminded of its gorgeousness, made the stress melt away...

...And The Saw Got Caught In Your Thong

It's been ages since Cain turned me on to the gorgeous-ity that is THE KNIFE, but when this track was drilled into my skull this morning on iTunes I though it was time to show them some lust...

Applicants Need Not Apply

If you are an aspiring menswear designer you can go ahead and give up on your dream. There is no need for another designer after viewing this picture. Raf Simons collection for Jil Sander is so rad that no one can or will come close. How does one make simplicity look so extravagant?

Salem

So instead of celebrating Halloween on the 31st, I'll wait a day and go to Roseland to witness Junior Vasquez battle protege (and now competetion) Peter Rauhofer

Even though I suspect that the music is going to be a bit "darker" than I usually prefer, sometimes you just have to go "there" and see what happens...

Helloween

Is everyone ready for Halloween? I am getting prepared to lock all seven locks on my front door to keep all the hooligans out. Basically due to the (literally) millions of people who congregate for the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade it is impossible to be in my neighborhood after dark.
A couple of years ago I was walking on my block after the parade ended and the costumed masses were hurling beer bottles into the air, which is fine if you desire to be hit in the face by a beer bottle, but not so nice if you don't.
The best part was the cops on the sidewalk literally watching the mayhem...very reassuring.

Amen!...Six Seconds That Changed The Face Of Music

Visually this video is as boring as hell. Yet, you MUST watch it if you care anything about dance music, music or anything related to music.

Watch, learn, enjoy

Wedding Bells In My Future

Obviously I have found the woman of my dreams and we will soon join forces to force blue on the rest of the unsuspecting public... One is born with this level of geniousity.

Genuine Fake

It is now time for all thinking citizens to become obsessed with the Swedish phenomenon known as Tabb. Don't deny that you want to look so tan that it almost becomes "blackface" ?

New York Being New York

On Saturday night I met some friends at an extremely non-descript sushi restaurant on 20th Street. Due to a prior comitment I had already eaten dinner and was going to meet my people, then head out for a cocktail.

When I arrived the meal was complete and the bill was slowly being divided amongst the group. Closing time was rapidly approaching and the restaurant had emptied out. While still at the table I started to fidget. It was time to move on and the group I was with was taking entirely too long to settle the bill.

While waiting to leave the now customer-free restaurant, I noticed an old-school tranny enter the dining room and head down stairs to the restroom. A few minutes later she came back upstairs and stood by the bar. Minutes later a second old-school tranny entered the restaurant and took up residence at the bar. "Hey, this is New York" I think and am pleasantly non-plussed.

As people in my group gather there things and head for the door another old-school tranny enters, followed by a fourth and a fifth.

Out on the street, my people say their goodbyes, in the meanwhile I notice more drag queens and their admirerers arrive...

Needless to say, this is one of the beautiful aspects of this city. At one moment you are eating in a sushi restaurant and half hour later it has morphed into a tranny bar...

Truth Arrives From Brooklyn

Imani delivers the best 50 second pop song in the history of forever...

At This Moment

Right now my life feels like Vicky and Ralph's boutique in Milan. Everything seems upside down...It is scary and intoxicating at the same time.

Shirley Chisholm 1972

Work DIVA!

Oh-no Yoko

Just saw Yoko Ono on the corner of Sixth Ave and Bleecker St. She was wearing the same hat as pictured here.

Maybe someone is blackmailing her and forcing her to wear this non-jaunty hat...

Give It Up...

You have to give it up for a vacationing Giorgio Armani. I pray I look half as good on my yacht when I turn 74 years of age.

Big Hollow Man

Why Danielle Dax was not an international superstar is beyond my comprehension. Apparently The Children were not ready for her mix of poppish-ness and industrialish-ness back in 1988...

Cut Copy

Man, woman, boy, girl or somewhere in-between...This is the official look you should be ripping off this season. I call it "Climbing The Ladder of Sophistication". Everyone should be attempting to look older than they are...Mix a strong solid with a traditional plaid and don't forget a jaunty chapeau!

Crisis Mode

In this time of political and (obviously) economic upheaval it is important to remember that the future belongs to people who believe in the future. Those that cling to the past will be forced to live there.

Times are changing...foundations we once thought were made of marble turn out to be made of sand. Nothing is permanent...those that can take this message to heart and are able to adapt as the winds change will succeed.

Long Live The Pig

Much love to Pig Magazine for posting
this delectable mix by the one and only Frankie Knuckles.

...And Now A Word From Our Sponsors.

As you travel through this thing we call "Life", you should constantly be striving to get sexier and sexier. If you are unclear on how to acheive this, then simply use this clip as your template.

Delivering Respect

This Sunday...
Danny Krivit delivers it at Pacha. Expect the same vibe you get when you listen to the Sade album. Cool, warm, soulful and intense...

Mix For An Increasingly Cloudy Day

Sometimes when a day turns from sunny and bright to overcast and menacing you have to fight back by listening to good vibed tracks. As this is the scenario today, I suggest you devote some head space to this mix.

Send your thank yous directly to The Martinez Brothers who have outdone themselves with this collection of rhythms.